I realized i'm just a human being. Human enough to feel good and bad about everything. I actually forget having bad feelings for a long time. For the past year, i've been living my life consistently dull and happy. Yeah, Dull i actually force myself to live dull and boring, but you see even living with this kind of conditions you can do a lot of things to make yourself happy. I'm really content with that and i was having a great time. Until, i was exposed again with reality and reality doesn't forget or forgive. I realize my heart is pounding again and adjustments has to be made. It's hard, it's really hard specially when it comes emotionally. I was happy with my life although deep inside there is something or just one thing missing and that's love. But, i really don't want to look for it. Although i'm ready i just want to be safe and secured. Loving for me was always tragic on my end. I'm just really observing a lot and I just can't trust anyone after all the things that happen to me in the past. I said to myself that this year it will be my goals and not my emotions. But, reality slaps me in the face and gave me something i really can't explain. I still don't understand why i did it, why i feel it and why like this. It's not easy for me to like someone or really appreciate her. I'm not that kind of guy who can easily be blinded by beauty, body and charm. There are many things to look for rather than those things. Unexpected was the term. I really didn't expect it. The fact I didn't expect it make me wonder why? and the real challenge was I know what will happen if i continue this and follow what i feel. But knowing me i still run and tried it. In the end, leaving me much hurting. I was wondering why this is more painful than my last breakup and i start realizing because i feel something nice about it or about that person. Nice in the sense that she's somehow special or I really really appreciate her and knowing reality I now realize that Reality slaps me on the face and gave me a beating. Made me realize i can fall for someone..  fast or slow.. it doesn't matter. What sucks is i always say that i will always protect myself in this kind of emotion. Because all this year im really protecting myself from being hurt but i really can't. I guess im really that kind of person who's born to just love and make people happy and just appreciate them and not expect anything in return. I was hurt many times and i know many people feels this way. But then they just keep on going like nothing has changed. I really don't mind being hurt because i can take it. I'm actually becoming numb about it. But deep inside i know i'm still wishing and hoping someone can appreciate me. Just hopeful and not hopeless. Not important but just a wish. Not a demand but a feeling.

I know my grammar is bad. I'm actually honest about it since the day i first posted my 1st blog entry many years ago. But i guess i can relate it with my life that even i have the good things right now there will be somewhere there or something about me that's bad or missing.

I am entwined to this feeling. To this hope and Wish. Hopefully 2008 will be great. It started with a heartbreak. I know it will end with good hopes.